The Stories We Tell Ourselves About Ourselves
And the preferred narratives we'd rather put our energy towards
Switching gears this week to look at yourself as an individual rather than couples. This introspective work still helps in couples and relationship work, of course. The way we are as individuals impacts how we relate with others. Take some time to consider the following.
Think back in time to one moment that impacted your life the most. A time that made you who you are today. It could be many moments that defined you or just one. This can be a time with other people or a time by yourself. Visualize the place, who is around you, and what is happening.
How did this moment put you on a trajectory to where you are right now? What did this moment (or moments) tell you about yourself?
When I think back, I have several moments that altered my path and also defined me and what I think about myself. There was the time growing up with a home daycare that I realized I wanted to help others; thinking that I was meant for taking care of others (sometimes losing sight of my own self-care).
In my teens, I had some of the best English teachers who encouraged my creativity (website HTML design) and my writing (short story). These moments made me think of how I could explore writing as a career path so I went into journalism and creative writing in undergrad.
Some moments in time can define us in a way that builds us up and sometimes it impacts our lives in not so good ways. It can hold us back from truly believing in ourselves, from fully taking flight, or being able to step into our power. Do you have moments like this?
Tragedy can sometimes be a set back. One moment we are headed towards all our hopes and dreams coming true, and the next, we are bewildered, unsure, and unable to move forward in the same way. Sometimes, a tragic event can be a catalyst for change in an uplifting and inspiring way as well.
We learn different things about ourselves in the many moments of life. This is an invitation to begin to ponder these moments of your life to see how they have defined you or made you who you are today. It could be things that were said about you, around you, from family or friends, that made you think you were less than or not good enough. Or actions from significant others or parents or siblings that brought on feelings of lack or worthlessness.
These stories then become a part of us — engrained in our psyche as if they are who we are. When we start to unravel these to see them for what they are; as we map out where these stories play a part in our everyday lives, we can begin to make change towards a more preferred narrative. We can define our own story of abundance, fulfillment, and enoughness.
While you’re pondering some moments in time, next ponder what you would prefer for yourself. How would you like to show up for yourself? How would you like to feel about yourself?
What would be different in your life with this new story you tell yourself? What would be the same? Who would you interact with? Who would you spend time with?
We have the option and the know-how to create a story that sets us up for success. It can change how we act in the world and how we live. When we become clear on the stories, thoughts, patterns, and identities that have defined us for so long that are no longer serving us, we can let go and start to forge a path towards a narrative that will define us in a way that sets us free to be who we truly are.
(source: ideas from Narrative Therapy, Michael White)
